DLAM is 2!!! And Fucking First Times

Okay, so I'm going to be straight with you from the outset here. This is an honest blog. So If you want to live in a world where you think we all have our shit together and don't want to peek behind the curtain, turn away now my friend. 

Mid February I remember saying to Stu (the Husband) that things were feeling worryingly good. You may wonder why "worryingly"? Well we have a history of shit things happening to us, just as we are finding our feet. We've even had 2 holidays end in flash floods and being evacuated off a Thai Island and one that saw our hotel almost burnt down in forest fires (yeah don't book a trip with the Baillies!) 

The start of 2020 was feeling good. Our Daughter had just settled into her new school, we had loads of fun stuff coming up (you know like weddings, theatre trips etc). I'd got my health on track (with the thanks to an amazing chiropractor, teaching Dance Fit and removing sugar, gluten and alcohol from my diet). We had just trained up 2 new instructors and started another recently. The business was going well. We had even just had a couple of amazing sessions with a business development coach to get on on the right path to drive the business forward.

Things were good...too good. 

Then BAM! Covid-19. I don't think any of us saw it coming and I still remember my last class in Urmston (just 4 days before lockdown) thinking we might have to cancel classes for a few weeks. Three months later here we are.

The reality of having so many women booked onto classes, we just had to find a way to make it work. It was all hands on deck and we worked tirelessly to get the classes online. I remember most days feeling a real buzz from all the problem solving, working as a team (taking on new women to work with us) to bring this all together. It was really quite empowering.

We did things in 2 weeks that we had been planning for 2 years! I was also back teaching Dance Fit (something I’d had to break from for a while, whilst I sorted out my health) and feeling stronger, fitter and slimmer than I was in my early 20's. 

So here on our second birthday, it's not quite the celebration we had planned. Usually around this time of year we take part in Manchester day which is always a huge deal for us and all the parents that take part. Last year we had 120 parents dancing, it was incredible.

When we became Dance Like a Mother and a community interest company it was all about the classes being seen on the outside for what they really were on the inside. We had created something so unique and wonderful and couldn't be stifled any longer. It was a bit like when you finally trust your hairdresser to do the cut they always wanted after having the same hairstyle since you were 15 and thinking....Ahhh this is what I'm meant to look like. This is me! So in lockdown we've had to find a way of being us, being truly DLAM without being with everyone and each other. And that's been hard. 

Since lockdown we have had falling outs every week (yup EVERY week!), we have had emotions from pure elation and pride to wanting to stop all of it and run away (I actually tried one day and got to the end of the street and decided I better turn back). We've had family issues, children issues, medical issues, financial issues....ALL the issues whilst trying to keep the business going. I think we have shown each other and ourselves who we really are, you know the REAL us. And had to hold a mirror up to each other and ourselves almost daily. Yeah we’ve got real vulnerable, real fast. And that leads me to FFT's (Fucking First Times). 

Fucking First Times (FFTs)

In my lockdown life I've found Brene Brown (I can hear the team audibly roll their eyes as they read this). Her podcasts and books have really got me through. She had a podcast that really resonated with me. Not just about lockdown, but as a reminder of when I started all this 4 and a half years ago, when we changed to DLAM and as a parent. But never had it been thrust in my face so much as right now!

We are all, every one of us, going through something that no one on this planet has ever experienced before. Ever. It is the first time we have experienced this and you know what comes with first times? Taking risks, feeling uncomfortable, being vulnerable and emotionally exposed.

Do you know how many times we all went to the loo before every online class? Like...loads. There were so many variables out of our control and taking away that much needed physical connection we had with women (especially new women) and their babies was something we weren’t prepared for.

We felt very, very vulnerable and this translated into a whole heap of emotions and behaviours we had never had with each other before. Didn't help that most of us had synched periods! So this is what I’ve learnt about FFT's - from setting up a business, becoming the business I wanted it to be and our time in lockdown.

If we stop trying and stop doing the first time things that make us feel uncomfortable we will stop growing. Also holding up a mirror to your failings and issues is hard (I'd recommend therapy to anyone) but its these experiences that make us human and let us be real, honest and true to who we are. We are all flawed and beautiful and we all have the capacity for change. It’s just hard when its your first time. 

I want to leave you with Brene Brown's strategy for FFT's that really helped me. 

1) NAME IT 

What exactly is going on. Write it down. 

2) PUT IT IN PERSPECTIVE 

It took a trip down memory lane with Stu, for him to remind me of the god awful jobs I've had in the past. The 17 hour shifts, the harassment, the total lack of respect I had from previous employers for me to get perspective. Had you have told me 5 years ago when I was sat in the toilets of the office I worked in, crying on the floor in pain and feeling so much hate for my job and my bosses that now I would be leading a team of amazing women who inspire other women to bring joy, positive mental health and connection and getting paid to dance I would have honestly never believed you. 

Nothing lasts forever… good or bad. Perspective 

3) REALITY CHECK EXPECTATIONS 

Is what you think going on, really going on? Do you need to speak to someone (honestly & vulnerably) and in reality could you do anything about it anyway? We need to stop focusing on the things we can’t change and focus wholeheartedly on the things we can change. And you know what else you could do? Give yourself a break. And if you are lucky enough to be living with someone else right now, then ask for help.