Covid-19 Lockdown: Gender Wars or Sharing Chores?

‘Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy.’ Henry Kissinger

100 years on from getting the vote women’s liberation may seem like a dusty badge on the shelf. After all we make up almost half of the workforce in Britain today, and for the younger age range the pay gap between men and women is negligible. We are getting it more right yeh? Perhaps not. It seems that once women have fraternised with the enemy glaring inequalities in the working world, but more specifically the home sphere present themselves, particularly around child rearing and balancing the dual tasks of paid income and primary caregiving.

5 weeks into lockdown in the UK I wanted to know if the domestic division of labour in the home been helped or hindered by the corona virus crisis?

I spoke to a number of mums attempting to work and look after children in the initial week of lockdown, and the situation could be described it one word: Hellish. Everyone tried to carry on working as normal, but with children at home, and it just wasn’t possible. Quite a few mums said when they realised it wasn’t working they let their work slide, took carers leave or worked early mornings or evenings, so their partner could work more or less normal hours. When I asked why they did this, as apposed to their partners they referenced stress or the status quo. As one mum Emily said “I didn’t want the stress…it felt like the easiest thing to do“, or as mum Flora said “we fell into our usual roles.”

As the weeks have passed by it’s been an adjustment for everyone, all families are having to pull together and nothing is the same anymore, they are doing whatever they need to just to get by. I’ve heard many positive anecdotes of more egalitarian households, as mum of a 4 year-old and also pregnant Samantha said “If anything, he’s become more aware of my needs.” Many dads have taken on childcare due to necessity (perhaps due to keyworker mums or furloughed dads) as mum Nathalie said “this has showed me how great my partner is at childchare and doing more domestic things.” A proportion of mums report it feels like nothing has changed in their household and they are plodding along as usual.

But……

Many women said they are still holding most of the mental load. Many saying juggling both work and childcare is a balancing act that is extremely tiring. There is a huge amount of lowering of standards such as more screen time going on. Some mums report domestic life still isn’t split evenly and dads aren’t helping more even though they are home more. As mum Clare said “I feel I have the short end of the stick”. A couple of mums stated feeling micro-managed by their other half, and they can’t wait for lockdown to end as their relationship works better with distance. There is also a huge gender inequality within separated parents, as single mum Megan said “a lot of single mothers have ended up with full-time sole responsibility through this.“

In the book by Darcey Lockman ‘All the Rage: Mother fathers and the myth of equal parenting’ Lockman references sociological research illustrating how the 21st century woman self-defines as more like men than women did 30 years ago (termed agentic which encompasses traits like competence and assertiveness).

Men on the other hand do not self-define as more like women (termed communal which encompasses traits like warmth and a concern for the welfare of others). This point helps to shed light on why so many mums sacrificed their job in the first week of lockdown or have continued to do so throughout the time, or feel exhausted by the juggling act; it lies in the conditioning of gender roles. The danger of our delicate programming means we are the first to sacrifice, and first to put our needs on hold in order to nurture those around us, and we have been conditioned through eras infinitum to take on all the tasks of the homelife. We also are more competent at ‘doing it all’ than ever before. Some women who have found their roles have essentially swapped over during this time reported a sense of guilt or discomfort, as mum Sharyn said “I feel a bit guilty…but the balance is right” and mum Nathalie who is a keyworker in the NHS observed “some women I work with are very concerned about their poor husbands at home with the children all day“. It seems that detouring from the status quo can feel uncomfortable.

The fact some women still hold the mental load under lockdown and continue the juggling act means both men and women in those households are upholding the status quo of our social conditioning. However many couples are also reporting they are sharing domestic work and becoming a much more egalitarian household as a result.

Will anything change after lockdown?

I heard an interesting podcast recently on this very subject, in it the host interviewed American sociologist Dan Carlton who researches gender inequality in heterosexual relationships. Carlton states “the patterns that we’re setting now have the power to persist. And especially if it comes to…shaping a more egalitarian relationship”. In those households where fathers are taking a more active role Carlton believes is likely to continue into the future, he goes on to say “how you’re dividing work in this moment will be something that’ll carry into the future”. Away from social pressures we might be able to realign the domestic division of work in our homes to serve our families better. This is the take home message, even if there have only been minor shifts in this balance of domestic work and childcare in your household, or none, it is worth taking heart that change is happening.

We are brought many challenges during corona virus lockdown, but also opportunity. Lockman states in her concluding chapter that for there to be more gender egalitarianism there needs to be a conscious collaboration of both men and women working to change it, and what better examples do we have than now of the many fathers across Britain willing and able to share this work. What more opportune a situation than now to look at lockdown through the lens of gender inequality and see the possibility for change. And what more opportune a time for sharing this with our other halves….

If only we weren’t so tired!

Thank you for this guest post written by Rose Boyd